They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
