yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
