I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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