Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
