i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
