This is not my ceiling
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
