Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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