The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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