lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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