if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
