Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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