I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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