mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
