3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
