just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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