ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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