toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
