it hurts more in the daytime
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
