There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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