someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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