flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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