Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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