After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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