Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
