The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
