Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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