dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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