You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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