I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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