You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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