Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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