Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
