He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
