They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
