ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
