I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
