How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't notice because vodka
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
