I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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