Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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