THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
