grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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