My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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