We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
