I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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