I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She announced her abortion via fbk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We are two peas in an std pod
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
