Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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