Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am available for nakedness
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
