I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
