I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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