he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
