If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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