I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
