Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
