she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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