i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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