I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
