You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
